walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
