the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
