it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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