I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
