that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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