i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize
