Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
