Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
