3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My pussy is not your playground.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
