I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
