fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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