I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
