I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
