I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
