I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
