I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Someone shit on the floor
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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