Can i not drive my cunt home
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone came in the potted fern
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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