I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
