I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
