Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
