we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
