hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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