She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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