gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize