my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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