i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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