Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
