True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
