You can't motorboat a personality
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
