Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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