I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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