btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
