I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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