He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
