He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
