walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
