I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
