And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
