lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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