Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
