haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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