Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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