This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
