I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
