: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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