so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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