the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize