my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
