I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
