I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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