allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
