good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
