suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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