I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
