I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Randomize
