I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize