we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
