Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Boobs are out for the taking
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
