i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Randomize
