On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
