so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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