Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize