Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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