also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
