i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
