There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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