Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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