woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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