the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
