And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize