You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
