if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
