Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize