We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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