I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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