I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
