P.S. I can't hear my feet
lets start a swedish sibling band together
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize