Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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