so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So much Jack, so little girl.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
