Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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